Summing up August

previously published on my Halcja's Place blog

When I flip through my bullet journal, it looks like I've barely done anything in the course of this month. My "done" list consists mostly of doctor appointments and illustration uploads with an occasional blog post here and there. I guess I haven't been that productive in August partly because I needed a break after doing CampNaNoWriMo and weekly vlogs about it in July.

I'm not used to writing on demand, although only when I'm the one demanding it. It's probably a psychological thing, but when someone else requires me to do something, I just sit down and do it without overthinking it almost. But when I'm setting my own goals, that's where procrastination really kicks in. I can't be my own boss. I have no fear of authority hovering over me. I do however I please. At the same time, my past working experience has proven that I'm better off working for myself. There's a contradiction there, but I sometimes feel that living in Ukraine in its essence is a contradiction. I won't go into any detail on it right now, but you can trust me on that one.

So, back to my productivity. My "done" list for this months seems scarce but when I think about it there's more beneath the surface. I write down "SS Ill" in my journal. A depressing one line entry. But it means that I've finished and uploaded 1 to 4 illustrations and have a stack of sketches ready to be scanned. I'm watching tutorials and trying out new techniques. I'm researching the competition and wracking my brain over how to find my niche. I'm stressing out over other stock illustrators bragging about how they manage to upload up to 10-15 illustrations daily. I know that it's a quantity over quality thing. It doesn't help reduce my stress levels much.

I'll learn eventually. I'll acquire more skills and set up a routine. I'm already doing it. I can see my own progress.

But I'm an anxious person. Sometimes I just can't help worrying about these things.

What really helps is seeing my portfolio and sales grow with time and each uploaded batch of illustrations. But I'm trying not to get overly excited about it. At the moment my portfolio is so tiny it's basically non-existent. So I'm refraining from looking at any stats or over analyzing it before I get it to 500 illustrations.

I've now focused my attention on a few themes and styles, so hopefully, it will help me make my process a bit easier and quicker. For the time being, I don't have enough same style pictures to combine and reuse, but I'm working on that.

And you might think that I've completely abandoned writing this month, but I haven't. I've started writing two new poems and outlined a short story. It's not much but at least it's something.

In other news, I got my first Fiverr gig and Etsy sale this month! And I gave the cat a bath! That's also quite an accomplishment. xD

Having written this all down, I feel more at ease with myself. This month was not a waste.

I'll end this post with a picture I took this morning while out for a walk.