Wednesday, 11 May 2016

May 2016 | Life update

Hi guys! I can't believe it's been months since I've last updated my blog. I don't want to make excuses, I'm just back.

I have this problem when I try to juggle too many things all at once. I want to write a book, draw illustrations, make video lessons and manage a zombie themed website. One day I'm learning Japanese and Italian, the next I'm trying to teach myself programming. I even have two blogs and just can't decide if it's more important for me to write in my own language or in English. And I want to blog about books, cooking, art and give life changing advices all at the same time. I can't focus. I scatter my attention too much.

But the last year has been different. I've strained myself to the point of breaking and had to suddenly take it slow. I had to pick myself up from pieces.

For a while I was not able to do anything but function. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to think about anything. Is this what depression is like? I'm not sure. When I feel worse, I'm almost certain. But then it gets a little better, and I somehow feel ashamed for thinking that I might be depressed. Why is it that I'm always having such a hard time admitting that I have problems? And that those problems are valid?

Right now I feel like I'm gradually starting to get back to normal. I still need time to heal, but at least it's not as bad as it was last year or even two months ago.

It's been a few months since I've said goodbye to my last student. It didn't end on good terms. I was too delusional about this student, and I feel really sorry that she didn't care to make an effort and accept all the knowledge I was willing to give her. For a while it made me feel like a bad teacher, but now I've come to terms with the fact that in my country money and slyness is valued more than good brains and diligence.

Since then I've chosen a new route for myself, or should I say picked up an old one. But I won't tell about it just yet. I'll just say that it's more of my thing than teaching.

And how are you guys doing?