I know, I’ve promised myself to get a grip on my life. Get organized, care more about my health, read and write more. I still want to be a better person to myself and to the world. I’m not giving up. Not yet.
For the last two weeks, I think, I’ve had a couple of my “moments”. It’s a weird combination of bad weather, nothing to do and feeling sorry for myself. In addition my second molar, which was playing hide-and-seek until last year, decided to torment me with excruciating pain every time I stay in the same position for longer than an hour (hello, sleepless nights!). And should I mention, that I’ve got a ridiculously high pain resistance, which is probably a result of my unreasonable fear of overdosing myself on medication, which means, that I tend to ignore the pain and don’t take any painkillers… sometimes for hours at a time. Why am I doing this to myself? I don’t know.
Maybe I still haven’t settled with the thought, that I may feel bad sometimes, and that there are things, that’ll make me feel better. It all comes from my childhood. The way of thinking, that a discomfort will go away on its own, just because I’m young, and young people by definition can’t have any problems. This way of thinking is self-destructive. It also may be that this fear of medication comes from the culture of self-diagnosis and self-treatment. I’ll write a separate post about this, because I’ve got some interesting stories to share.
Either way, I need to remind myself, that I don’t have to feel bad, just because I’m young and “it’ll go away on its own”.
As for reading update, I’ve finally finished Ready Player One! I hate it, when I love a book, but can’t make myself finish it for months! Review coming soon.
I’ve started reading a self-help book The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne. Loving it so far!
As for my next fiction read, I’ll pick something from my summer TBR list tonight.
Thank you for reading! Here's a picture of my cat! :3